How Can I Be with My Kids and Do Everything Else?
One of our biggest dilemmas as parents is trying to find time to be with our kids and still getting everything else done. A HighlightsParents.com parents poll revealed time concerns as the number one challenge facing parents. There's no doubt that as life becomes increasingly complex, all of us are struggling to fulfill an ever-growing array of demands.
Paradoxically, recent studies find that we parents spend more time focused on our children than our parents did. Yet, despite our efforts to clock "quality time" with our kids, many of us still feel that we aren't doing enough. Why would that be? Perhaps because we have the unrealistic expectation that the only worthwhile time spent with kids is time that is devoted exclusively to them.
Does spending time with our kids and accomplishing tasks have to be an either/or choice? In times gone by, children learned by participating, side by side, in their parents' routine activities. Even today, most kids love to be included in their parents' errands. They feel a sense of importance as helpers, having "real" and "responsible" jobs to accomplish.
Interestingly, on another of the HighlightsParents.com polls, most parents said that kids have too little responsibility at home. Many parents wrote of their reluctance to give their children chores, although they felt that it would be better to do so. While parents of young children weren't sure what tasks were suitable, parents of older kids felt their kids were already burdened with hours of homework and were hesitant to add more pressure. Yet, while play and homework are important, parents seemed to recognize that kids develop confidence and pride in their real-life abilities by having the opportunity to contribute to the running of the household in an age-appropriate way.
Here are three suggestions for ways to include kids in daily chores.
- Pick age-appropriate tasks. For instance, show your preschooler how to set the table with spoons or napkins (leaving knives and breakable plates for you to put out). Older kids can help do the laundry, load or unload the dishwasher, and take care of pets. Observe your child's abilities and select tasks that he or she can accomplish successfully.
- Turn the activities into a game. For example, in sorting laundry, make a playful activity out of matching socks. Cleaning up a messy room can become a scavenger hunt.
- Provide ample praise for a task well done. Be certain your child knows how much his help means to you, and point out how his efforts are contributing to the family's well-being.
Including children in chores takes some initial planning and patience. It often takes longer to complete an errand with a young child by your side than to do it alone. You will, most likely, be required to explain, demonstrate, and supervise a child's early efforts. However, working together provides a great opportunity for kids and parents to bond over a shared goal. Your child will be learning new skills and attitudes as well as developing a sense of mastery and self-esteem. Eventually you may have a helper who is able to take over some household responsibilities. While it's important not to overburden kids with too much responsibility, a certain amount is healthy.
To read more about what parents think are the biggest challenges in raising their kids, click here.