Not long ago, I was saddened to read a message from a mother who wrote to us saying that her son was having trouble making friends because their family was from a different background than the other families in their community. I wondered whether the other children and families were even aware that this boy felt excluded. Prejudices take different forms. School-age kids sometimes avoid someone whom they perceive as different, and biases are often reflected in the bullying and teasing that occur in schoolyards, lunchrooms, buses, and other settings. One estimate says that 66% of children are regularly teased--often because of their appearance, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, or disability.
Can tolerance be taught? I believe the answer is yes. Here are some things that we can do to teach tolerance.
- Set a positive example both in how we talk about other people and how we behave toward them.
- Let our children know that disparaging comments are not acceptable. Make it clear that picking on someone is a sign of weakness, not strength, and that bullying, in any form, is unacceptable.
- Since bigotry often stems from fear of the unknown, make sure our children get to know people of diverse backgrounds. Our children will quickly discover the things they have in common, and learn that there are often more similarities than differences.
- Make sure our children recognize that they must take responsibility for their words and behavior and realize that their deeds have impact.
- Empower our children to take positive actions. For example, encourage them to reach out to someone who has been excluded or to let an adult know if they witness bullying.
For more on this topic, suggestions on how to encourage tolerance and respect, and strategies children can employ to stop teasing, go to www.tolerance.org.
Istar Schwager, Ph.D., is an educational psychologist, mom, and founder of Creative Parents, Inc., with the website creativeparents.com. She believes that as parents we need all the support we can get.