Parents, Kids, and Downtime
By Istar Schwager, Ph.D.
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?
From "Leisure" by W.H. Davies
I remember how pleasant it was, as a child, to simply look out the window, daydream, and eventually meander into an activity or think up a project. Boredom inspired resourcefulness. Now many kids don't have an opportunity to be bored. Today, children are spending more time in adult-supervised activities and less time in more leisurely pastimes. Some of the reasons are understandable--for instance, neighborhood safety and parents' work hours. Yet lost, along with downtime, is the ability kids once had to organize their own activities, observe nature, invent games, form sandlot teams, draw pictures, read, think and dream.
There are lots of reasons why tranquil, unscheduled interludes deserve to be valued. We live at an age when input is constant--just about every store has music blasting, in case someone isn't already plugged into his or her own headset or cell phone. Quiet time has become scarce. Yet kids and parents each need quiet moments alone to reflect on the day's events, process experiences and imagine possibilities that extend beyond day-to-day life. Families need time to converse when there's no place anyone has to rush off to. Children benefit from creating their own activities, alone and with friends--playing board games, staging spontaneous skits, and learning how to cooperate as well as compete in child-directed sports. That great observer of children, Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, noted the importance of child-directed play for learning how to apply rules, consider what's fair, and discover how others might see things differently. Those impassioned arguments about whether an out-of-bounds ball is a "do-over" actually serve a purpose. They help kids learn about social interactions and others' perspectives.
Some studies show that parents fear that their children will get into trouble with unstructured time. Kids themselves are out of practice using downtime constructively. Of course, children benefit from well-run after-school programs, Scouts, sports, and other organized activities where they can interact with friends and learn new skills from capable adults. Yet there needs to be a balance. Children also need time to stop and stare. The ability to take pleasure and interest in one's own ideas and imagination requires practice. Looking out the window has its benefits in developing creativity and resourcefulness ... sometimes quite literally. In one of my favorite A.A. Milne poems, "Waiting at the Window," the narrator names two drops of rain, then creates a pretend drama as they make their way down the pane. As he watches to see which will get to the bottom first, he imbues their contest with as much suspense as any episode of American Idol.
Istar Schwager, Ph.D., is an educational psychologist, mom, and founder of Creative Parents, Inc., with the website creativeparents.com. She believes that as parents we need all the support we can get.