Results of the survey:
Your responses reflected the many challenges parents face. We want to prepare kids for life's obligations, yet allow them time to be kids. You indicated how hard it can be to select appropriate chores, be consistent about follow-through, and deal with kids who seem burdened with hours of homework.
What you said:
Most parents said their kids have too little responsibility.
We have been very lax about making our 7-year-old do chores. We need to reinforce the idea that the kids are a meaningful part of the family and that it takes everyone to make a household run smoothly.
I had a friend who told me that when he figured out that his cleaning up the kitchen for his mom gave her time to make desserts, he started cleaning it all the time, and she made more desserts. He still remembered this revelation in his 30's. All his mom had to do was thank him for helping her out for him to figure it out.
We aren't very good at enforcing chores and responsibilities around the house. Most of the time I'm too tired to fight them long enough to get a good habit started.
I believe they have "too little" responsibility. Most kids I talk to are always complaining about being bored. If they were given more chores around the house and allowed to earn some of the gifts that parents tend to buy for them, I believe there would be less talk about being bored.
Too little. While they have an abundance of homework (an hour to an hour and a half for my fifth-grader, two to three hours for my seventh- and ninth-graders), they really do very little to help out around the house. By the time we get home from work, do dinner, and make sure homework is done, there isn't much time left, and we don't want to spend it yelling.
Most of the children that I work with have invited adults to think they can't handle responsibility. What we see happening many times is a lack of consistency on the part of the parents, teachers, etc. Once a child gets a reaction, whether it is positive or negative one, they keep trying it out.
Oh, I'm 100% certain mine have too little. I have 9-year-old twins and have split custody (50/50) with their daddy. With all of the schoolwork they have, and with the fact that I only get them 50% of the time, I end up cleaning and picking up and those types of chores when they're with daddy so I can have more quality time with them when I have them. And yes, I know, I really need to help them develop into responsible little people, and chores and responsibilities are very important in that regard. I'm going to do it soon.
Too little, and it's my own fault for not expecting more. You do so much for them while they are young, and as they grow, you continue to "do" for them, many things they are capable of taking on themselves. And, too, as a parent, you have to let go, and if they don't do it perfectly or exactly as you would, let it go and let them grow.
Some parents said their kids have too much responsibility.
My daughter has way too much responsibility! She knows how important school and grades are, and she works hard at that. She realizes how important it is to censor your friends and relationships, and she works hard at that too. The pressures today's children have, with society pushing beauty and sex, make it very hard for children to enjoy their youth and childhood.
Too much! Ever since the first week of (public school) kindergarten, my daughter has had homework. Now she's in third grade and there are several pages of homework, sometimes rather difficult ones for her, plus the music teacher (from school) wants daily recorder practice, and the PE teacher wants daily PE practice. I work, and on days when I pick her up from Extended Day and we get home near to six, there's just no time to do it all in a relaxed and happy way. I want her to have small household responsibilities (bed making, feeding the dog, setting the table), but it is crucial for her to have some downtime, time to relax at home and read and play, and it just isn't possible to fit it all in, so the household responsibilities often have to go by the wayside, and that's not a good message to send to her. And she's only 8! She is already tired when she gets home, and it is so important for her to have time just to be a kid.
I feel that children have a lot more responsibility today. I think we put too much pressure on our children to overachieve in all they do. Gone are the days of one activity per child; we push them to do all they can, sometimes for our own benefit. Between school and extracurricular activities, our children often feel overwhelmed. It is extremely difficult to find time for the entire family to sit down at the dinner table together, because everyone has activities pulling them in different directions. Therefore, we put more responsibility on the children to finish their schoolwork, make/reheat dinner, and complete chores on their own without supervision.
There were those who said their kids have "the right amount."
I think my 3 have just the right amount, only by trial and error. One was ready to sort laundry at 4, but my 6-year-old still can't get the hang of it, so I adjust.
Just right. My kids help with laundry, they make their own lunches, and they sometimes help take out the trash or with other chores. My kids just turned 8 and 9 years of age.
My kids (ages 6 and 7) have just about the right amount of responsibility. They are responsible for three things. 1) They help set and clear the table. 2) They are responsible for picking up their toys from the living room and putting them back into their bedrooms. 3) They also have to place their dirty clothes in the laundry room.
I think our 3-year-old boy and 19-month-old girl have just the right amount of responsibility. Our son has jobs like taking his coat and backpack or other items into his room upon returning home, and clearing his plate from the table. We also have him starting to help with napkin placement and setting the table. He is really into it. He likes to help with laundry and carrying things into the house for me when we shop. It is cute, but we don't ask him to do these things. He just likes to be helpful.
In my family my kids probably have a little more than others. They have daily jobs that they are required to complete, and they both help with laundry, cleaning, cooking, and other household things. In addition, my oldest son has the responsibility of remembering his medications, he is ADHD, and managing his school work on time. They have been doing this since preschool so it is second nature to them. Is it too much, or not enough? I am not sure. It works for the 3 of us and gives us family time too!
And sometimes there's a difference of opinion.
My wife and I disagree on this, I say too little she says too much. I say they need to learn responsibility at a young age, she disagrees. She says the kids need to be kids.