Parents’ Poll: How Do You Celebrate Your Children’s Birthdays?

Results of the survey:

When it comes to children's birthdays, there are many ways to celebrate. Some of you celebrate with family only, some hold birthday parties at home, and others go to a park or other venue. Many people told us that they have more than one party: one for family and one for a child's friends.

What you said:

The approach we've taken works pretty well for us. On the actual day of birth, we celebrate together as just a family. It's a wonderful time to recall special stories about that child and help him/her feel special. We then typically find a date near the birthday that falls on a Saturday and invite his/her friends to join us for a party at the local bowling alley, arcade, or even in the backyard (with a piñata).
Since our house is too small, we usually have a party at the park or something. My daughter's birthday is in the summertime, so it's a perfect opportunity to enjoy the warm weather and have a summer-themed party.
We change it each year. Ironically, the party we had at our home was triple the cost of having it somewhere like a skating rink or another venue.
We have a tradition that the evening meal is chosen (within reason!) by the birthday person.

How you feel about birthday gifts:

It helps when family and friends ask what the child needs or wants before going and buying a gift so that the child does not get duplicates, HUGE gifts, or excess.
The kids love to see what people give them. And whoever got them something loves to see the reaction on the children's faces when they open their gift.
Our child gets gifts, but she also chooses something that would be really awesome, and together we buy it and donate it to service groups for needy children.
I have no problem if it is kept between $7 and $15.
I don't mind gifts (although we have all that we need). I am not crazy about opening gifts at the party, but it's EXPECTED by the other parents. I think they want to gauge what they gave versus what others gave.
Our family is very generous, which is both wonderful and nightmarish. My children have more than they need as far as toys are concerned. We have started encouraging family members to buy them clothes, etc., that they need.
We try to encourage performing acts of kindness, doing something special with their friends, or making the gifts, if possible. We do not expect their friends to buy them gifts for their birthday. We have often asked their guest(s) not to bring a gift. There have been times when we have asked them to pay their own way to a bowling or skating party instead of bringing gifts. If we do this, then we make sure we provide any goodie/memory gift and the eats.
It has gotten out of control!!
My youngest son went to a birthday party a few weeks ago, and instead of presents for the birthday boy, attendees were asked to bring an item off a women and children's shelter's "wish list." I thought that was a great idea!!
I like picking out the perfect gift for someone. I sometimes ask close relatives for something other than a toy. For example, family memberships to the zoo or a local museum, etc., since the kids have so many toys.
We've made a pact with the moms in my neighborhood -- we each pitch in $10 when it is one of the kids' birthdays and buy a joint gift or gifts, depending on how far our money will go. We have done this since our kids were one, and it has worked out fine. This way, when each child in the group has a birthday, all the gifts are of the same value, and no one has to worry that Mom "A" spent more than Mom "B."
It can get expensive because our son is concerned about giving "cool" gifts to his friends so they don't think that he's "uncool."
My son's favorite gifts have been handmade (such as a scrapbook this year featuring the history of the friendship of that friend), or a game he doesn't have, or magic tricks, which intrigue him.

How you feel about party favors:

They're usually cheap toys that are hazardous and break before the day is over. I would be happy to not have any!
It is difficult to limit spending and to find things that aren't junk or candy. Lately, I have tried to get one or two big things for each guest-- like a diary from the dollar store.
Think it's a great way to help the kids remember the party and enable them to enjoy it after it's over.
One year I put in hand puppets from the dollar store and a juice box. This past year I bought plain white socks and used puffy paint to put each child's name on the bottom. That was a BIG hit with both the moms and the kids.
I think that the whole goodie-bag idea at the end of a party is a better idea than handing out favors as prizes, which promotes too much competitiveness, especially with young children.
Hate them---too expensive and, really, what family needs more little ticky-tacky stuff???
I like the idea of the children making something at the party and then being able to take it home--that is their favor.

What you consider the optimal number of guests:

It has to be an even number of children in total. Ideally, one per year celebrated.
Well, these days, schools are "requiring" that the entire class be invited, which automatically means a 15- to 30-kid party. That's not even counting children in the family or neighbors!!
I would rather invite the kids in the class who are the same gender than limit it to the number of kids or the number of years old the child turns. Of course, this is easy, since my kids go to a small school.
I think anywhere from 10 to 25 guests is optimal.
Four to six.
That gets sticky--we have multiple-birth children.
I would be more comfortable with an optimal number of guests if I had more money.
I've had parties with just a few friends, the whole kindergarten class, or seven for a sleepover. It all depends upon how you handle it and how many parents you want to involve.
Unfortunately, I think the optimal number is less than 5. However, every facility we use has a minimum guest requirement. Usually that is 10 or 12.

Who to include in a party--whole class versus select friends:

I think if a child invites over half the girls, then all the girls should be invited; likewise if over half the boys are invited, then all the boys of the class should be invited. I think it is wrong to invite almost everyone and leave out only a couple of kids, but if you are having a small party, you should be able to invite just a few kids.
We mail invitations to selected friends.
I prefer same-gender parties with all of the kids from school.
You are lucky if one or two show up from a class when invited.
The kids who are in pre-K to 3rd grade are allowed to have the mother bring in cupcakes for everyone on the child's birthday.
I think it is important to include everyone. I don't want anyone to feel hurt or left out.
We include selected friends only. This is strongly related to the previous question about the optimal number of guests. I don't have room for 20 other children at my home.
Our girls' school requests you invite the whole class so that no one feels left out, unless it's a family party with only a best friend or two invited to join. Some kids do have smaller parties, but they have to send the invitations by mail and not mention the party in class.
My daughter's birthday is in the summer, so it is usually selected friends only, namely those we can find contact information for.

What you've done in the way of themed parties:

The last party I had was a Magic Party.
We have had construction theme, monkey theme, Cars (the movie) theme, turkey theme (my youngest son's birthday is close to Thanksgiving).
The children make the crafts to create the decorations as part of the party.
Yes, I've done it many times. Toy Story--was super. Western--loved it. Movies--hectic. Princess--docile. Lazytown--active dance party.
One year we went to the zoo and had a small animal show that was great. This year we are going to the Children's Museum for my oldest and there is a pirate theme that the museum takes care of. Love that. Not a lot of work for me!
I have three boys. We've done everything from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to football parties to backyard cookouts. All with themes and the whole nine yards. Each party has its own games and decorations . . .all mostly handmade as well, right down to the invites.
Themed parties are the best. We usually have so much fun with them. We have had a cooking party. We made different types of pizzas, barbecued, and made desserts. We also had fishing for duckies, three-legged race, sack races, search and find, search the clues, and an I Spy find. This year we are going to try the scavenger-hunt party.
The only real theme I did was I took all the guests to the zoo and packed a lunch with somewhat of a jungle theme. Kids loved it, and it was less costly.

How your kids get involved in party planning:

You told us that once your kids reach a certain age, you make sure to get them involved in a variety of ways. This includes picking themes, creating the guest list, making invitations, choosing a place, selecting supplies, choosing or making decorations, and helping decide on the menu. Some parents emphasized that while the kids may have input, the parents have veto power and set the budget.

Here's how some of you feel about the way that birthdays are celebrated in your community:

Everyone has chosen different options. Whatever works best for each family is fine. Some people have big parties, others have smaller ones, and others just celebrate with the family.
Some are very elaborate and compete for the best and most expensive party. That is not my thing.
They sure don't come to each other's homes in the country. It was that way for me too. COUNTRY LIVING--it's all good except for when you're trying to do a birthday.
The ones that take children to Chuck E. Cheese's often don't have enough chaperones, and I don't like other people transporting my children. I do not like sleepovers. I think too many people treat their children like royalty, and it is detrimental to the children. I also think that "keeping up with the Joneses" is wrong.
Things are pretty low-key. We like it.
They are grossly overdone.
It is hard to compete with the animal farms and high-price parties that some people can afford to do, but as long as my son has fun, nothing else matters.

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