Parents’ Poll: Is Bedtime a Nightmare in Your Household?

Results of the survey:

Bedtime is a challenge in many homes. While 60% of the parents who responded to the Highlights Poll said that their kids have a set bedtime and the family actually sticks to it, having a set bedtime doesn't mean that kids stay asleep or that everyone's getting enough shuteye.

38% of parents described getting their kids to sleep as a struggle
26% said their kids had trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep
28% said they didn't think their kids were getting enough sleep
28% have trouble getting their kids up in the morning
28% of parents described feeling sleep-deprived themselves
15% admitted to falling asleep before their kids

What you said:

  • Keeping to a routine each night.
  • A bedtime story or stories help my children to wind down. I try to read to all of them (ages 2, 5, 9, 10) all at the same time. We start with a little board or picture book for the 2-year-old and then put her down. Then we get out a chapter book and read 1-2 chapters.
  • I give my children a warning that bedtime is approaching, for example, "You have 10--minutes so start to wind down or clean up so you can get ready for bed."
  • I make a chart of evening activities so that they can see what's coming. 1. Snack. 2. Put toys away. 3. Brush teeth, washroom time. 4. Pajamas on.
  • No caffeine beverages at all! No TV or games 1/2 hr before bedtime.
  • The one thing that I have learned is not to do anything you don't want to keep doing.

What you find challenging:

  • When something special might be on television or an event keeps us out and our schedule gets out of whack.
  • Getting my daughter to sleep in her own bed.
  • Doubting myself when my children cry so hard. Wondering when to be tough and when to give in--especially doing it all alone--even though their dad is in the picture.
  • Getting back on track after we've had company or been away for a vacation.
  • When they keep calling me or getting out of bed and the routine has already been done.
  • Undoing what my in-laws do when my son spends the night there. They let him stay up late and rock him to sleep or let him sleep with them in bed.
  • Not getting distracted and letting TV go on for too long.
  • Having both my daughters (almost 3 and 9 months) in the same room.
  • Finding new stories. We have read every night, and my son is now 6 1/2.
  • Changing from cribs to toddler beds.
  • They get more energy as the night wears on instead of gearing down, even if they have had a bath and are reading.
  • All of this happens in our bed because my son won't sleep in his, and he always wakes up between 3 and 4 a.m. and climbs into bed with us.
  • My husband works nights and our three children, ages 8, 4, and 1, each have different needs at bedtime. It is difficult to fulfill each of their needs and still get them to bed at a reasonable hour without someone having a meltdown (including me!).

It's clear that while most parents know that routines are important, those who are struggling are the ones who are having trouble sticking to them consistently. Routines take resolve, but are not beyond reach, even for the many of us who have trouble setting limits. Here's how one parent described her process of developing a bedtime routine that works.

"I definitely had some tough times getting the bedtime routine in order with my son. If my child got out of bed I'd gently bring him back and walk out. If it happened again, I'd be sterner. After that, every time he came out I would firmly put him back, without engaging in any talk or discussion. I don't know who it was harder on, him or me. But since I showed him tons of love and attention during the day and leading up to bedtime, I felt less guilty. I also tried to focus on the end result--his learning to sleep on his own--and what a huge thing that would be for him! It took several weeks of constantly putting him back and listening to him have a tantrum, but he got the idea that tantrums weren't going to work and that I would keep putting him back in bed as many times as he came out, and that he wouldn't be able to draw me into an argument about it or get me to lie down with him. My daughter (who is now 3 1/2) didn't have nearly the same issues, but I feel that is due in large part to my starting the routine and following the rules at a very early age."

Remember that children need limits, and ultimately they find it unnerving to feel that they have the power to manipulate sleep-deprived or guilt-ridden parents into later bedtimes or midnight migrations.

Your positive, levelheaded approach, both to putting them to bed and encouraging them to sleep through the night, will be comforting to your children and will leave you less frazzled.