Parents’ Poll: Is it tougher to be a parent today than when you were a kid?

Here's What You Told Us

87% of you believe it's tougher being a parent today than it was when you were growing up. In our recent HighlightsParents.com poll, you identified time demands as the top parenting challenge, followed by more stress and greater economic pressure.

Parents' Poll: Is it tougher to be a parent today than when you were a kid?

When were you a kid? In which decade did you celebrate your 10th birthday?
1980s — 35%
1970s — 35%
1960s — 12%
1950s — 12%
1990s — 6%

This means that the majority of parents responding are between 30 and 49; 24% are 50 or older, and 6% are younger than 30.

  1. Is it tougher being a parent today than when you were a kid?
    Yes — 87%
    No — 13%

  2. In what ways do you feel that being a parent today is more challenging than in the past?
    More time demands — 71%
    More stress — 62%
    More economic pressure — 61%
    More choices — 48%
    Fewer support systems — 43%

  3. What resources do you find most helpful in coping with today's parenting challenges?
    Family — 77%
    Friends — 72%
    Online resources — 39%
    Books — 31%
    Health-care professionals — 29%
    Teachers — 25%
    Magazines — 21%

What are some positives about being a parent today?

  • More knowledge is available and accessible.
  • Greater inclusiveness—for instance, for girls in sports and kids with special needs.
  • Older parents bring more serenity and wisdom to parenting.
  • Greater communication, honesty, and openness with kids.
  • Less pressure to be a perfect housekeeper.
  • More child-oriented activities are available.
  • Greater support for working mothers.
  • More support systems, including shared online communities.
  • Technology such as cell phones provides access and contact.

Here are other feelings you shared about how parenting today is different and often more difficult than it was when you were growing up.
In the past:

  • There was more physical activity outdoors. Kids could play safely.
  • The community watched over kids.
  • Life was slower, with less pressure on kids to succeed.
Now:
  • It's more competitive.
  • The world is more dangerous.
  • There's more communication about formerly taboo topics.
  • There are more families with two working parents.
  • Kids are plugged into computers.
  • There are too many worries, from strangers to terrorists.
  • Values are diluted. There's too much emphasis on acquiring things.
  • There are more single, struggling parents, and there's more shared custody.
  • The Internet means parents have less control.

Here are some specific comments you shared about the challenges of being a parent today:

  • Making sure our children are safe and well educated takes much more time, knowledge, and attention.
  • There are a lot of situations in the schools that are horrific. It seems like society is scarier.
  • People seem much more critical and less understanding, especially if you have a child with special needs.
  • The kids are exposed to so much violence and sexuality through TV, movies, and computers. It is hard to shelter them at a young age.
  • My mother always had a family member nearby who could help when she needed it. Raising a child takes a whole family.

From those who said it's not harder:

  • It's not harder now. Families then were larger, and dads did not help out as much as they do now.
  • Through the ages, the stresses and challenges have been the same. They just take different forms.
  • Medical advances in everything from dentistry to psychology have given us a great deal of knowledge that our parents were lacking.
  • I feel my parents had it rougher. There were no safety nets to fall back on. In spite of that, they put money in their savings account and did not buy above their means.

Here are some of the comments you shared about how things are different:

  • Families are scattered. There's no support system.
  • Children are working harder. They play soccer, take lessons, and the school days are longer. Families don't spend as much time together as they used to. There are more expectations.
  • The family core is no longer there. Families are not teaching family values and decent morals.
  • In schools, kindergartners are learning and behaving as the first- and second-graders of my time. When do they get to be just kids?
  • It is hard to make it financially on one income. I do enjoy my homemaker status and believe it is so important to be there for the kids, especially the teens, when they get home.
  • We did not have smoking, drinking, or drugs to any extent in our schools. Television was family-oriented. You didn't see or hear things on TV that were not suitable for all audiences.
  • Kids need to be supervised so much more now. They can't even walk to school alone. I walked by myself when I was six years old. There are a lot of fears that parents have now that I don't think parents had back in the '70s.
  • The workplace and its demands on adult time has put the squeeze squarely on our family time.

Here are some of your comments regarding what's positive about raising kids today:

  • The biggest "positives" are my children. They are fantastic human beings!
  • There is better health care.
  • It's easy to get helpful information. There are lots more good ideas about parenting.
  • There is increasingly less stress to be perfect parent. Most of the moms I know are single working mothers; if they come over to find dishes in the sink and a mixture of chocolate and red paint all over your child, they think nothing of it.
  • My kids and I are close and can talk about anything. I think previous generations may have held back a little out of modesty and not discussed certain issues with their children.
  • There is in-school and after-school day care.
  • I feel parents are more involved with their children. In the extreme, that can be a negative!
  • It's easier to network with other parents.
  • Schools are more willing to provide more services, such as after-school care, book clubs, and advisors.
  • It's easier to homeschool your child.
  • For me, just being a parent is positive. I get to read the HighlightsParents e-mails for parents.
  • Community support in the form of day care and early nursery-school programs is helpful. Women are not looked down upon as much as they used to be when they try to help out financially by working.
  • Tools like the Internet allow parents to find communities of people who share their parenting philosophy.

More of your comments on how parenting today is different from in the past:

  • Times were much simpler then; there weren't as many toys to choose from.
  • I don't remember being so competitive with my friends or neighbors when I was a kid.
  • There were fewer expensive electronics.
  • My mom was a stay-at-home mom. Someone was always home. Now, both parents have to work to get the "things" that are supposed to make it easier for you! Everything is twisted backwards. There is too much STUFF.
  • You used to be able to play by yourself without parental supervision until it got dark. There was no stranger danger in those days.
  • I can talk to my daughter about absolutely anything without embarrassment. My parents never had any of the big talks with me about sex, menstruation, drugs, alcohol, etc. I feel that my daughter is much closer to me and trusts me more.
  • There is more sexual and rude stuff that parents can't control kids' access to, and it's thought to be acceptable.
  • Kids are plugged into their computers and gadgetry more. I have a hard time getting my teens to notice me when I am talking to them!
  • In a world where two working parents is the standard, we have yet to find a way to make up for the shortfalls in household management.
  • There are more single-parent families.
  • In the past, less knowledge was better, and parents would go with the flow and their parental instincts. Today, there is so much information out there that parents are afraid to do anything, and they waste their time trying to find the right thing to do.
  • I feel that kids put too much pressure on themselves to succeed. I wish there wasn't so much competition in the schools and among siblings.
  • Life was much slower. We were not involved in so many activities.
  • There was a network of moms around the streets that looked after us and made sure we were safe.
  • A difference is that families do not eat together—mainly because they are running from activity to activity.
  • Children do not have time to just relax and be bored (which forces them to be creative). Going outside to just play and be with nature is last on the totem pole. How can we expect our children to be environmentally conscious when they do not even know the animals, trees, and birds that live near their homes?
  • I think there is much more stress today about making sure your children are participating in everything and being in preschool and getting ahead in any way they can. When I grew up, it was much more carefree.
  • The influence of Internet communities such as MySpace and Facebook is a challenge that parents of earlier generations did not have to work through.