Parents’ Poll: Staying Connected with Extended Family

Results of the poll:

From your responses, it's clear that many families are in contact with extended families. Read on to learn how families stay connected—and discover some great tips for maintaining good relationships. Thanks to all who responded!

Poll Results: Staying Connected with Extended Family

What you said:

  1. How far away does most of your extended family live?

    62% in a different part of the country
    21% within 150 miles
    19% within 25 miles
    10% in a different country

  2. How do you usually stay in touch?

    85% phone
    78% e-mail
    52% visits
    14% letters
    3% videos

    You also mentioned webcams, family websites, blogs, and instant online chatting.

  3. How do you feel about the amount of contact you and your kids have with your relatives?

    88% would like more
    15% were satisfied with the amount
    3% would like less

    Different time zones and work schedules were mentioned as obstacles to staying in contact.

  4. What do you and your kids enjoy most about spending time with extended family?

    We've grouped your answers, since there was a pattern. Here's what you said:

    Strengthening Family Ties

    • The chance to pass things on from generation to generation
    • Sharing memories, realizing the similarities from the shape of our hands to our personalities
    • Getting to know grandparents
    • Hearing stories of "yesteryear"
    • Hearing about their travel to the countries where our family started out

    Sharing Activities

    • Laughing, shopping, talking, eating
    • Reading, cooking, telling stories
    • Playing sports, games
    • Playing with cousins
    • Celebrating birthdays and holidays
    • Hanging out and doing nothing

    Being There in Person

    • Seeing how everyone looks, since we may see them only once a year
    • Getting time with people who love the kids unconditionally
    • Seeing how the little ones have grown and how teens and young adults have change
      • d
    • Being able to be supportive, share difficulties, and hugs

    Exploring Differences

    • We want our children to know that there are many different ways of life—they have a different perspective than ours.
    • We've learned to appreciate the differences in extended family. It makes the things we have in common more appreciated.

    Not all was rosy. We also heard from those who lamented the too-expensive cost of faraway visits. And you also described difficult relationships with family, for instance, "all they care about is themselves."

  5. What tips would you like to share about maintaining a positive relationship with extended family?

    • Keep in regular contact with a quick phone call or e-mail.
    • Don't sweat the small stuff.
    • Share whatever activities you both enjoy.
    • Never gossip or badmouth relatives.
    • Keep up photo albums so kids and grandkids can put a face with a name or voice.
    • Keep topics general—for instance, meals and school.
    • Avoid derogatory comments.
    • Put attention on them.
    • Recall the good times.
    • Be forgiving—what's offensive to one may be another's misstep.
    • Create a "cousin swap," where cousins stay in contact.
    • Develop a family blog.
    • Occasionally send kids' artwork or schoolwork to grandparents.
    • Just keep trying.